“I Don’t Believe In Signs”
“I just don’t,” she said. “I know that it’s a big deal for you and I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe that daddy is going to give me any kind of sign now that he’s gone.”
“That’s fine,” I told her, “You don’t have to believe. Even if you do believe, you may not get a sign when you want one, or when you need one. Then all of a sudden, when you least expect it, there is something undeniable.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so.”
This was our conversation only two or three days after he died. I’ve had signs from so many people who have died over the years. I believe in them. They give me peace. They give me strength. They basically keep me a little sane (which is difficult considering how big of a job THAT is!). After reading this you may be more convinced than ever that I’m in need of serious psychological intervention, and I’m OK with that. I don’t go out looking for signs, either. Yes, sometimes I beg and plead saying things like, “Please just let me know you are with me,” or, “Can you give me a sign that I’m doing the right thing?” But those rarely work. The times that I know I’m getting a sign go more like this:
I’m doing something normal. It could be quiet or it could be noisy. Suddenly I “feel” a presence. I usually stop and try to figure out who’s there. It could be my father, my mother, my mother-in-law, my cousin, rarely it’s my father-in-law, and recently added to the list is my husband. I usually “hear” a message, kind of like in my subconscious, but it’s not my voice. That’s what helps me figure it out. I also just feel the person. I just know who it is, and I acknowledge them, also in my subconscious. “Hey, dad,” or ” Hi, Sharon,” or “Thanks, Oma.” These kinds of messages, for me, also are undeniable because the message plays over and over and over in my head until I acknowledge it. I’m kind of being bullied from beyond, I feel.
Then there are the other signs. The little things that happen when you least expect them and which hold a ton of personal meaning for you. Like the last few weeks when I would finish work and get into my car. I would turn the car on and immediately the radio would play “Fight Song,” by Katy Perry. When I was fighting for my mother’s rights as she battled Alzheimer’s Disease, this became my theme song. My husband knew the importance of this song for me, and told me it was my “anthem.” As I fought through each new day at work without him, I knew that the song was being played just for me. It hadn’t been on the radio for years, and suddenly I heard it several days in a row, at different times, as soon as I got into my car after work. “Thank you,” I told him, through dripping tears.
One of my daughters feels the signs and messages, too. For another, nothing. She feels slighted by the spirits, and decided that it’s just not true. As we talked about it that day, a few days after he died, she grabbed a small chocolate Dove candy from a bowl and opened the wrapper. “Holy cow” she said, handing it to me.
On the inside of the wrapper was a message, as always. This one read, “Quote your dad.”
“That’s just a coincidence,” she said.
“Really? I haven’t seen anyone else get that message in their chocolate before. Maybe it’s not a coincidence.”
“I don’t believe in that stuff like you do,” she said. And she ate the candy. The next morning she grabbed another one. “Quote your dad,” was the note inside of that one as well.
During the days after he died, several people had come to our house. Many of them had grabbed a candy from that same dish, and this message had never been seen before. A few days later, another daughter grabbed the last chocolate, and that one also said, “Quote your dad.”
“Ok, now THIS is getting creepy,” my doubting daughter said. “A few minutes ago I was thinking about daddy and thinking about something and thinking that I knew exactly what daddy would say about it, and then this happened again.”
“Just tell him thank you, and quote him already so we stop getting these messages,” I told her. She smiled and she did.
She now believes in signs. And has gotten several more since then.
If you, or someone you care about is dealing with grief, here are some tips for coping with grief from people who are dealing with it themselves!
