25 Ways To Cope With Your Grief
So, here you are! You are probably feeling lonely, anxious, or even depressed. Or, maybe you feel all of these things at the same time! If you have found yourself feeling grief, you may be looking for some real ways of coping with your grief. You are not alone in this grief journey! In fact, every person in the world will be on the journey to find healing and to cope with grief at some point. I’ve had to deal with a lot of loss in my life, and I’m determined to help YOU as you go through this difficult time! I’ve put together lots of tips and resources to offer you support in your grief! And all of these are available online for FREE!
One thing that is guaranteed, one thing that affects every person on the planet is that at some point, each of us will face loss. A parent will die, or a child will never be born, or a spouse will slip away. We may lose a job, or a piece of our independence. When this happens, people often say things to try to be helpful. They may say things like “keep a chin up,” or “time will heal,” or “everything happens for a reason.” While these comments are well-intentioned, they may not offer you the support that you really need. You feel, as someone trying to cope with grief, that you must just put on a brave face and get through each day. Well, I’m here to tell you, as someone who has lived with plenty of grief, that the brave face will not help!
In this post you will learn different tools that you can use to help you cope with grief. These tools come from my own experiences and from dozens of my friends who are also going through a journey of grief.
What is Grief?
Grief is the natural reaction to a loss. It can be a strong emotion and can feel extremely overwhelming. A person suffering from a variety of losses, whether it be the loss of a family member or a loved one or the loss of a job, whether it is the loss of a relationship or the loss of some independence through a disability, all of these losses bring grief.
When a person is suffering from grief, they need support. They need the support of other loved ones and friends, they may need professional help, and they also need to find ways to help themselves to move forward with grief. Often, grief leaves a person feeling numb to the world around them. They may feel removed from daily life, especially if the loss impacts their lifestyle and the things that they typically liked to do. They may find that their social circle is more isolated because of the person who is gone. It can be especially difficult to do daily tasks when suffering from grief and having a day where the sadness just takes over. Simply put, grief takes over almost every aspect of your life.
For me, I have had to deal with many different types of grief throughout my life. As a young child, I lost my father to heart disease. Two years later my only grandparent died. As I became an adult there were more losses, but from August of 2015 to October of 2017 I lost seven family members. My mother, father-in-law, aunt, uncle, cousins, and the final loss was when my husband unexpectedly died during cancer treatment. I have lived with grief and loss most of my life, as I wrote about in Windows and Perspective and the reality is that each of us will have to face this journey at some point. News flash – each of us will die, and those we love will also die. Have I scared you away yet? I hope not, because I want to help you cope with your own grief by sharing tools from myself and many others who are figuring out how to cope with grief.
Coping with Grief
Grief isn’t something that you just “get over.” You don’t wake up one day and say to yourself, “Oh, thank goodness THAT is over!” But at the same time, grief isn’t always present. In the early days after a loss, grief seems to take hold, digging in its claws in what feels like a grip that will never be released. We may be dealing with the trauma of a loss. We may be feeling a lot of emotions like loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Over time, we learn to live around the grief, it doesn’t go away, but we learn to live with it as a part of us, a part of us that changes on a given day and from year to year. A show from the BBC called Like Minds explained it best in their episode called, Grief: It’s not something you have to “get over.”
Below, I share some advice. The advice is not from self-help books, but it is advice from people who are currently learning to cope with their own grief. Grief is a very private, individual thing. What works for one person may not work for another, but by talking and sharing our stories, it is my hope that we can help one another because let’s face it – even if you have been blessed to live a life without grief up to this point, someday, you will have to learn to cope with grief.
Here are some of my stories, written from an almost lifetime of coping with grief. I hope that they provide support to you as you work through your grief.
Looking for Signs Without Being Consumed by the Search for Signs
Travel – An 83 Day Hiatus of Healing
Must See Stops on My Trip of Healing
25 Tips for Coping with Grief
There are as many different ways of coping with grief as there are people who are having to do it. I recently asked a group of widows and widowers from a few online grief groups that I belong to, “What is ONE thing that really helped you through the grieving process?” Here were the 25 different answers that I got. Most of them were repeated often in the over 90 comments I received back in all! It was such an incredible way to find online support for grief!
- My Kids or Grandchildren Having kids keeps us busy. It forces us to get up and get out of bed because they need money for their field trip, or their favorite pair of jeans needs to be shoved ino the dryer before they wake up. Having grandkids over to visit gives grandparents the opportunity to plan things like game night, or ice-cream trips, or just a walk to the park.
- Plan an evening out! Go to a movie! Go shopping. Check out trivia night at your local brewhouse. Whatever seems like something fun for you to do, plan an evening and get out!
- Faith For many people, religious faith helps ground them. Having a church family offers another group to provide support both emotionally and physically.
- Writing or Journaling Have you ever noticed how many widows or widowers write blogs? Just do a search and you will see that once someone has been widowed, they begin to write and share the stories of their new life as they try to figure it out. If public blogs aren’t your style, then maybe a journal to record and reflect upon different feelings and events as they happen would be helpful.
- Travelling The second thing that most widows or widowers tend to do is travel. Get out of town! Go someplace different, someplace you always wanted to visit but didn’t. When I made Big Plans, many people were worried about me. “What if something bad happens while you are travelling?” they asked me. They didn’t realize that the worst possible thing had already happened, a flat tire or getting lost was nothing compared to the losses that I had lived through.
- Volunteering Find something that you are passionate about and give back. Volunteering schedules are typically under your control so you can do as much or as little as you want, whatever is best for you! Getting out to volunteer also helps you to connect with others who share your passion!
- Watch a favorite TV show or movie This can be tricky, especially if your loss involves a medical trauma. So many television shows or movies base their storylines on medical issues and loss, so it can be hard to use this as a distraction, but it is possible! Find something light or funny to watch to let go of your grief for awhile.
- Play a game Board games, card games, computer games or even puzzles can provide another way to cope with grief.
- Get in there and really deep clean a room in your house. There is something about doing physical work that just relieves stressA And, while we were living through all of the trauma of losing so many people and I was busy caregiving, let’s face it, the house became a MESS! At first, trying to clean it was overwhelming, but then I found a system that helped me do one room at a time, and after I finished a room I would spend more time in that room because it felt better. Following my system, I slowly got the entire house clean again!
- Exercise or work-out Regular exercise can help with feelings of depression, anxiety, and more! It also relieves stress, improves memory, helps you sleep better, and boosts your overall mood. So get out there and work out!
- Walk the dog Most likely, the dog could use a good walk, and so could you! Why not do it together…. It would be great for both of you!
- Saying, “Yes!” when friends invite you to do something Instead of instantly thinking, “No, I can’t go out and have fun. I’d feel too guilty.” Say yes! Allow yourself to enjoy the moment!
- Therapy There is no substitute for good counselling. Find someone who specializes in grief and set up an appointment! Make sure that the person is a good match for you and then keep regular appointments and give that time to YOU!
- Music For me, music has always been an outlet. Whether I am playing an instrument or listening to different kinds of music, it is a healthy form of escape for me. I think that my late husband helped me to get back into playing. And playing has been one of my best tools for healing. Here is my Escape Story.
- My Pets Pets provide that unconditional love that we all need! My cat is laying next to me as I work am writing this, and my dog was immediately attached to my side when I came home after my husband died. It was as if she knew. And she seemed to know what I needed. Research has shown that having pets reduces stress, and in a time of grief we need this more than ever!
- Getting out of the house Simple things like going to the grocery store or running errands can be tough. You often run into people who “give you the look” and have no idea what to say to you. But finding ways to get out of the house helps you to cope with grief as well. It helps you to feel less isolated. Find a nice park to sit outside, visit the library, go fishing, find something to get you out of the house on a regular basis. Take baby steps and afterwards makes sure it was something helpful, then do it again!
- Joining a grief group There are so many different ways to join a grief group. Through churches, hospice centers, and even online! Find a community or find a few different communities that let you connect with people who “get it!” You will find a list of resources below to help you get started!
- Work For many people, returning to work can provide a sense of normalcy. A place where you can distract yourself by doing something from your normal routine. For me, I worked with my husband and going back to work, being surrounded by people who were also grieving his loss, people who didn’t know how to handle their own grief – let alone mine – made this more difficult. Some widowed people may be retired and have no workplace to return to. Volunteering may provide the same distraction, and offer a schedule that fits your needs best.
- Gardening or yard work Physical work can be healing, and I quickly started to find more outlets for this. My house had been neglected for so long as I had been busy taking care of my husband, our children, and trying to keep life going. I got busy cleaning gutters, fixing garden beds, cutting the lawn, and doing anything that provided a physical outlet to help make me feel like I had accomplished something. And bonus! This helped me to sleep better at night!
- Watching Sports Most sporting events last for several hours and don’t require you to pay close attention to everything that is happening. Turn on a baseball or football game. Maybe you have family involved in a school sport? Go and watch them! Then you have gotten out of the house AND watched a sporting event! Maybe there is a tournament that you can distract yourself with by filling in your bracket predictions and following along as the tournament unfolds!
- Being near water One of my personal favorites! There is something healing and soothing about being near water. Whether it’s a babbling brook, river, pond, lake, or the ocean, the sound and feelings around a body of water provide a quiet place to just be present with yourself and to connect with nature.
- Hiking Put on those good hiking shoes and find a trail to really surround yourself with nature and feel it’s stress reducing powers! You don’t have to hike far! Bonus points if you find a hike that includes being near the water! I planned a Hiatus of Healing trip that had me spending a lot of time in nature, hiking, and going to places that I had really wanted to see. You can read about my Hiatus of Healing Must See Stops.
- Reading Find a great book on grief, or read a novel, it doesn’t matter. Reading can be an great distraction and outlet that you can do anywhere! Maybe you can take a hike in nature, set up a hammock or find a great rock to sit on and just read a good book for awhile. Find some great grief books below in the Resources section of this post!
- Crafts Do you sew? Or knit? Or quilt? Or crochet? Or work with wood? If there is a hobby that you enjoy, or maybe you have always wanted to learn to do a hobby, this might be the perfect time to distract yourself with a project!
- Talking Find someone who is a good listener and set up some times to get together. Maybe meet for a cup of coffee, go for a walk together, or just sit and talk on the phone.
Coping with grief is a daily struggle. Make plans to do something from this list, or something that is important to you on a regular basis. Put something on your calendar and remember to be brave! Coping with grief requires strength! I tried to be brave and found a perfect outlet for myself and my two youngest children. Maybe My Story of Bravery will inspire you! I hope that you can find your outlets, too!
Resources for Coping with Grief
There are plenty of online resources to help you cope with grief and trauma. Here are just a few that I have found. I will continue to add to the list as I find more.
Blogs and Websites
Podcasts
Books
A Widow’s Awakening by Maryanne Pope
Beneath the Surface by Susan Furniss
No Happy Endings by Nora McInerny
Hot Young Widows Club by Nora McInerny
Confessions of A Medicore Widow by Catherin Tidd
Online Support Groups
Surviving the Death of a Spouse Facebook Group
Hot Young Widows Club (For anyone who has experienced a loss)
Closing
I hope that you have found a lot of great resources here to help you cope with your grief. I hope that you have learned different tools and also found several resources to help you connect with others and to remember that you are not alone!
Make sure to look around the Grief and Trauma Resources Page of the website! I will continue to share more resources as I continue on my own journey!
Be gentle with yourself and take care!
Disclaimer
Our ClassCee Life provides general educational information from someone who has experienced great loss. You should not substitute information on the Our ClassCee Life website for professional advice.
